i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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