my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
