Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
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Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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