guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
