you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
