Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
