So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
