That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
