five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
