The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
