Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
