You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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