It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
