I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
