And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
