dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
