dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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