Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She's the barista slut.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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