He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
