we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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