I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Panties = found
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
