I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
