i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
