Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
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I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize