You're so nebulous sometimes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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