If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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