Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
