I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
