I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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