I heard we made out
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
