im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
