If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
