i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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