how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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