Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
