you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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