I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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