you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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