Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
