I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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