his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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