I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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