I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
