he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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