I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
