i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
