So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
