peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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