and i looked up. we had an audience...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
