she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
