apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
not ubering you a puppy
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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