FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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