we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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