I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
