Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
