So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sext me about skeletons
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
