Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
time to smoke my breakfast
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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