no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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