My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
