I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
