if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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