Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
