I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
