we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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