she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
God I need to hump something, right now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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