we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
