I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
