biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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