Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
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WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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