hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
